White House counsel Harriet Miers has never served as a judge before, and while this career "hard-nosed lawyer" (as she is invariably described) from Texas certainly deserves some kudos for a trailblazing career as a female lawyer, she's not a legal scholar, either.Lets see if this bit of information comes out on the media in the next few days.
But she does know better than just about anyone else where the bodies are buried (relax, it's a just a metaphor...we hope) in President Bush's National Guard scandal. In fact, Bush's Texas gubenatorial campaign in 1998 (when he was starting to eye the White House) actually paid Miers $19,000 to run an internal pre-emptive probe of the potential scandal. Not long after, a since-settled lawsuit alleged that the Texas Lottery Commission -- while chaired by Bush appointee Miers -- played a role in a multi-million dollar cover-up of the scandal.
Greetings conversationalists all across the fruited plain it is I your personal Harvester of Sorrow Phantom Lord and this is The Rant of the Week. Much like Keith Richards here I am still sticking around to do what I do best and on this Labor Day weekend I am coming to you as always from my bunker in the urban cesspool that is Brooklyn, New York. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks since I’ve actually written a column. The WWE is stacking the decks so to speak on Smackdown now that they have been moved to Friday nights. NWA-TNA is finally using commercial advertising in a good way as ads for TNA Impact are being shown during RAW much to the dismay of Vince McMahon. Dare I say things are finally looking up for us the lowly wrestling fan that has suffered through the last four years since the demise of WCW and ECW.
But as we move into the future you have to wonder what the future holds for wrestling. Smackdown’s biggest problem right now is the fact it’s on Friday’s and to start things off on a bad note its probably going to be pre-empted for some telethon to raise money for the victims of Hurricane Katrina. I’m all for raising money to help them (lord knows they need it), but much like The State of the Union address by The President it isn’t needed on every damn channel. During the last two weeks the WWE has been stacking the card with three huge matches for the new Friday Night Smackdown and the trend of being pre-empted in the major markets starts early. We can expect more of this during the next year with local sports coverage of the MLB, NFL, and I think a few NBA games.
Of course what fun would there be in the WWE if they didn’t get to make fun of the network that carries their show in some form. Enter Palmer Cannon who is supposed to be a representative of “The Network”. Apparently middle manager yes men can book wrestling shows so should the day hell freezes over come and ROH ends up on FOX or something we can expect Samoa Joe to put over the big reality star of the moment. But as I was saying, this angle is hilarious for all the wrong reasons. I mean its almost like the WWE said lets turn Smackdown into ECW on TNN because odds are we’re off this network in a year anyways.
The similarities between Palmer Cannon and Cyrus are amazing. Granted Cannon isn’t the world-class heel that Cyrus is, but still this all very much a rehash of things we have seen before (but then again the WWE tends to do that a lot). But it just makes me laugh that basically a network executive is calling the shots on Smackdown. Now you all know me. I’m a tad bit obsessive when it comes to reality. I’m all for that suspension of disbelief crap but only to a certain extent. As much as people want to say WCW was driven into the ground and killed by Vince Russo, in reality it was the middle managers from AOL who killed WCW. Palmer Cannon is damn near a parody of them all wrapped up into one. For starters you have the lingerie pillow fight taken off TV because the network didn’t approve of it.
How many angles in WCW were dropped because of standards and practices? With ECW on TNN we saw Cyrus picking and choosing whom he wanted as champion because the network told him so and so was more marketable. So with Friday Night Smackdown coming up and Teddy Long and Palmer Cannon trying to out do each other its becoming more and more of the same old stuff that we have seen time and time again.
That’s the biggest gripe I think every fan has with the WWE. It doesn’t matter if you’re a smark who lives and dies by the sheets or some fan that really believe in Hulkamania. When you see the same few core angles rehashed over and over and over again you lose interest. Case and point look at John Cena on RAW. If he weren’t a poor man’s Eminem he would be Stone Cold Steve Austin. Eric Bischoff is playing the role of Vince McMahon and once again we get the god forsaken angle of “Anti-Authority face vs. the corporate boss”.
So yeah with RAW it’s a rehash of RAW from about six years ago and Smackdown is a rehash of the final years of WCW and ECW. A lot of crap mixed with the occasional gem of a great match given away for free on television. But things could be worse. We could still have The Corporation in power.
Remember in 1999 when Bradshaw was just a henchman for The Devil? Yeah things sure have changed…
But the more they change the more they stay the same and in the WWE’s never-ending attempt to insult the fans intelligence, I came across this gem from I believe The Wrestling Observer. Its because of things like this the WWE continues to shoot it self in the foot.
Due to his character, WWE has told Eugene to stay in character and act that way 24 hours a day if any people are around. Jillian Hall has also been asked to wear a band-aid on her face in public, when not wearing any makeup.
Make sure to read that because basically it comes down to this. Eugene (Nick Dinsmore to people in the know) has to act like a retard anytime people are around. Jillian Hall who is the chick with the tumor on the side of her face has to wear a band aid because lord knows with the right amount of make up you can hide that god awful thing on her face.
Now I’m going to take a guess here and assume Eugene and Jillian both are making around the $250,000 range. That’s a basic contract for the WWE these days and you have to wonder if the money really is worth it to have to live your gimmick all damn day. Some people have mentioned that Eugene can go un-noticed if he just pulls his hair back and Jillian…well she looks like any blonde with big tits. Why they gave her this “mole” gimmick I’ll never know. No one is looking at her face if you catch my drift.
But could you imagine if everyone had to live his or her gimmick all the time in the WWE. Hell could you imagine back in the day if some of the more cartoonish characters had to live their gimmick all the time? You see its stuff like this that makes you embarrassed to be a wrestling fan. Yes its entertainment but I don’t believe for a minute that Eugene is Forrest Gump and Jillian has what appears to be a lizard egg on the side of her face.
You know if the WWE tried to let these guys show their talent rather then having to rely on kooky gimmicks then maybe just maybe they wouldn’t be so desperate for new stars.
Another reason they’re desperate for new stars is because they keep getting rid of the old ones and the biggest stars the WWE have let go are by far The Dudley Boyz. Bubba Ray, D-Von, and Spike. Together they are the best tag team in the WWE. Well the WWE let their contract expire and now The Dudley’s are free agents and TNA is looking for big names and the WWE has decided to play the legal card and said “Guess what…you cant use these names anymore”.
Now there’s the whole issue of copyrights and trademarks and believe it or not the WWE does not own a lot of them especially on names of people they let go. But a little thing like the law has never stopped the WWE before and they are making it damn near impossible for a lot of guys to make a living by saying they are not allowed to use the Dudley names.
The logic a lot of people think is behind this mess is because the WWE is planning to re-launch ECW next year and they don’t want the core ECW guys doing the reunion tour which is basically a TNA production and they sure as hell don’t want them going to NWA-TNA. When it comes down to it, this is all a game of chicken and it’s a matter of who blinks first.
If I were Bubba, D-Von, or Spike I would call the WWE’s bluff and tell them if they want to sue me then sue me because they had better be in for a battle because I’d be ready to take it all the way to the supreme court. Granted that’s what the WWE wants because they just love to drive people into bankruptcy, but if you find a real good activist lawyer who is willing to do the work pro bono or at least for a decent price then you can easily combat the WWE and their legal team.
Lets all remember one thing. The WWE lost their name to a bunch of tree huggers in England. If Vince is willing to give up his companies name then believe me when push comes to shove there is no way in hell he would go all the way to the supreme court.
Yeah The Dudley’s would forever be shit canned in the WWE but it would be worth it because this is a matter of making a living and Bubba Ray and D-Von are The Dudley Boyz. No one else can be The Dudley’s. Just like no one else can be The Rock or Stone Cold Steve Austin. Character development is a two way street. You need a great character and the person to pull it off. Doing this is just about as low as it gets…but then again the WWE fired Test and Jesus after they broke their necks and they got rid of Dawn Marie during the middle of her pregnancy.
Vince McMahon in many ways reminds me of an oil or railroad tycoon from the late 1800’s to early 1900’s. After seeing stuff like this I’m finally inclined to agree that a union is needed for Pro Wrestling if not for the sole reason guys don’t get fired after almost crippling themselves.
Now I mentioned TNA finally getting a good TV deal, well TNA is really trying to knock one out of the park. The only problem is things seem to fall apart before they happen for them. TNA was supposed to bring in Matt Hardy and he played them and went back to the WWE. TNA tries to get Mick Foley and Vince convinces him to come back to the WWE. TNA wants The Dudley’s and now they have to deal with another WWE legal issue over a name that they don’t even use anymore.
TNA is hoping to land Bret Hart for the first show on Spike TV but Bret doesn’t want to be on TV and really what point would it serve to have Bret on TNA? If he were going to put someone over I could understand it, but we all know who ever they land as the big surprise will ultimately be on the receiving end of an EL KABONG from Jeff Jarrett.
Honestly I think if TNA were smart they would just bring in Scott Hall and Kevin Nash. Hall and Nash were pretty good in the last run in TNA and they are the biggest names they can get. They could get Sting but his whole crow act has really gotten stale especially with him becoming born again. So yeah TNA doesn’t have many options for what they can do for the premier on Spike TV.
Well they have one option and its crazy enough that it might just work. You know what that is?
WRESTLING…PLAIN AND SIMPLE
Drill it home while the other guys are doing soap opera’s our guys are busting there assess for the best product possible. Make the distinction between TNA and the WWE. The WWE is Sports Entertainment. NWA-TNA is Professional Wrestling for the new millennium. I mean that’s what I would do.
What’s going to end up happening is Raven will lose the World title to Jeff Jarrett because as we know Planet Jarrett is the only star they have…
Well I think that’s about it. I want to thank you for reading my column and remember someone has to give you this information and it damn well has got to be me.
I am Phantom Lord
God Bless America.
